Should we let in our difficult thoughts and feelings?

“This Being human is a guest-house” 

Begins the poem The Guest House written by Rumi in the 13th Century, the poem continues with:

“Every Morning a new arrival

A joy a depression a meanness,

Some momentary awareness comes

As an unexpected visitor.”

We all have our visitors who come knocking on our door (sometimes they might even climb through the window), if we slow down it means we have to pay attention to them and that isn’t always something that is easy to do. In fact it isn’t always safe to do. 

If we have had a history of needing to close our doors and barricading the windows in order to keep our-self safe, then there is likely to be a lot of visitors (thoughts and feelings) that want to spend some time in our guesthouse (body/mind).

It might be that sitting still and quiet is more than we can bear, because this is often when they seem the loudest. 

And yet, in order to be a healthy human animal it is important to be as open and alive to our moment to moment experience as we can. 

Rumi continues: 

“[letting in] a crowd of sorrows

Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture”

I would say that unless you are a level 10 black belt in mindfulness (there is no such thing by the way), that this would be much too much. Instead I would offer that if we can let just one little thing in at a time and treat it with kindness and offer it a seat at the table, then it is much less likely to ransack the house and it will eventually leave of its own accord.

How do we do that? The short answer is to make an effort every day to soften and be kind to ourself, one of the most impactful ways to consider our kindness is to think of the tone of voice we speak to ourself in, and then think  also of our physical tone. Soften the breath, shoulders and face and move more gently. Activities such as gentle yoga, a slow walk (not a head down march) or mindfully drinking a cup of tea can help us get into this space more easily. Over time we will find that a difficult thought or feeling can creep in, and rather than pushing it away by distracting ourselves, we can trust that the host of our guest house is so friendly and skilful that even the more tough visitors will stay for only a short while.

Even better than that, we are creating more space to welcome all the good stuff that is flowing our way.  

We all have some power to lessen the difficulties that we create for ourself and to cultivate more peace and joy. Kindness and compassion are good places to start.