The Power of Loving Kindness Meditation
Loving kindness (also known as Metta Bhavana) is a meditation practice that involves bringing to mind specific individuals, recognising that they, like all humans, experience difficulty in their life, and then one at a time wishing them well. Typically this is done using a specific order of people that gets progressively more challenging (self, a loved one, a neutral person, a person we find difficult and lastly wishing all beings well), and normally a phrase/mantra is used such as “May X have peace of mind and ease of being” or “May x be free from suffering”.
It is rarely if ever the first practice that I would offer to someone who is not used to Mindfulness meditation because it can cause upset and discomfort if we are not used to working skilfully with the mind and body in a very specific way. It is the last practice to be shared during the 8 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course for a very good reason.
That being said, Loving Kindness Meditation is a powerful practice and it is one that can bring not only the healing of old wounds, but can also help to bring about repair in current relationships as well as bring more kindness into any social situation.
There have been some great studies showing the effects of Loving Kindness Mediation listed here. The rest of this article is a sharing of some of my personal experience from my own practice and also when working with my students for why practicing Loving Kindness Meditation can be so helpful. It’s not an exhaustive list, there are so many benefits. If you would like to know more, then get in touch or check out one of my MBSR courses.
It feels nice.
It is very uncommon to spend a long period of time devoted to imagining ourself and others are experiencing a life free from suffering and to sending forth the Love a Mother would wish on her young child. In fact it is more common to be practicing social comparison and criticism. By practicing Well-Wishing, we get to let go of envy and criticism and instead we feel relaxed and a sense of affection and Love. This can not only feel great during the meditation itself, but with continued practice we can feel this same warmth long after the practice has finished. This may all sound fluffy, but the research supports it.
Forgiveness and Healing
There are certain people we don’t like and that’s okay. The thing is, that even when those people are far away from us, or not even in our social world anymore, we have the tendency to carry them around with us in our mind. We have imaginary conversations and arguments with them, or vaguely remember and embellish past events. Loving Kindness practice doesn’t mean that we need to interact with that person again or bring them back into our lives nor does it mean that we endorse their harmful behaviour or that we forget how to protect ourselves. It simply means that we no longer carry an enemy with us in our own mind and body. We have the opportunity to no longer let them have a power over us. In my personal experience this isn’t a “once and done” kind of thing, but a healing process that we can work with skilfully and gently over time.
Here is a link to a very short story about how we can sometimes unknowingly carry an enemy image in our head, and how with practice and wisdom we can let it go.
Action in the World
When push comes to shove, we don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training. If we would like to de-escalate situations, or reduce the suffering of others, then words alone don’t cut it. We need to bring a warmth and kindness that radiates from the inside out. A discipline of Loving Kindness meditation can help us to cultivate this kindness so that the next time we enter into a challenging situation our warmth can melt the icy hearts and minds of others.
This might sound far fetched, however I suspect that anyone who has got this far into reading this article, can think of somebody in their life who has unexpectedly turned a situation around, not through assertiveness or skilful discourse, but through an inner warmth. It takes one to know one!
We tend to think of this warmth as something that is set in stone, this is not so. We have the power to nurture and cultivate an authentic sense of kindness and compassion towards our self and others (and indeed all sentient beings). It doesn’t have to be a mindfulness practice, but it certainly is a tried and tested way of doing so, and of course a good teacher is very helpful.
If you would like to know more about Mindfulness Practices or are looking to revitalise your own practice, then please do get in touch. I am always happy to listen and share. I also run official 8 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction courses that are online and can be taken in your own home, and these can be booked via our swoop coaching website.
