Become Skilfully Undisciplined
Wake up at 6.30 am. Gym clothes laid out the night before. Hydrate. Work hard, follow the training plan. This is tough, but look at the results! Discipline keeps us on track and on target. It requires sacrifice. Without it where would we be?
Life is a grind and the whispers that come to us are...
...Nothing in life comes easy.
But what if it does?
"Discipline (noun): training that makes people more willing to obey or more able to control themselves, often in the form of rules, and punishments if these are broken, or the behaviour produced by this training" - Cambridge Dictionary -
What happens when we loosen our grip on discipline? For many, our deep seated fear is that without the firm grip of self control, a chaotic, self-indulgent or lazy disorder will begin to take over and that we will fall back into a sadness an emptiness or a grief and so we tighten our grip and discipline leads us, at times, almost blindly.
Enter Awareness
Let me introduce you to a poem:
The way it is
There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.
- William Stafford -
This poem expertly introduces a skillful dance away from discipline. It requires subtlety and nuance and the ability to deeply feel and trust your inner core, even when the outside world doesn’t understand you.
When we learn to trust ourselves and follow our thread, discipline becomes more and more like a blunt object, useful at times, but more often than not it smashes through the gentle path we have learned how to listen to and follow.
But what about results?
They can still happen. When we want to move we will move. At times we will exercise until our muscles are screaming. When we want to learn we learn. In fact, by not following rules to do a certain thing at a certain time, we create space and space allows the mind to wander and wonder, creativity flows and so does the new-found freedom to act upon it.
Finding the balance
If we were only discipline, we would become like an over-starched shirt, stiff, uncomfortable and unable to flex and bend. If we were only spontaneous we might miss out on the mastery that comes through commitment, dedication and sacrifice.
The Yin and Yang is a perfect reminder for recognising this balance. Not only does it show that the two sides contrast and yet require each other to be whole, but the often overlooked part is that each side contains a smaller circle of the other. In this instance there is discipline within spontaineity, and there is spontaneity within discipline. (For more on this concept I would refer you to the book) The Way of Zen by Alan Watts
How to be more skilful with spontaneity and discipline
Become curious ...
...about your drive for discipline. Is it a part of your 'thread'? Or are you following someone elses? Are you afraid of who you might be or how you might feel if you let go of discipline?
Discipline invariably requires sacrifice. This has often been romanticised as noble. The question is often not 'what' are we sacrificing, but 'who'?
At times, the drive for discipline is honouring our inner core values, in which case the curiosity will help us to find even more energy so that we can put in the hard work with a feeling of joy from within.
Practice a discipline of kindness
Mindfulness meditation or the practice of yoga (should) have at their core a foundation of non-striving. Seek yoga teachers who embody and promote kindness and self care, and avoid those who put strength, fitness and aesthetics at the forefront.
In this way, the discipline comes from a regular practice of showing up and getting onto the yoga mat or the meditation chair but the focus of the practice centres on curiosity, kindness and self acceptance. This subtle shift makes a big difference in the long term towards how we feel about our-self as well as our internal drive and motivation.
Find Your Thread
At least once each day, ground yourself and ask yourself the question "How can I treat myself well today?" (there are many other similar questions you could try) and make sure you trust in the answer. It may lead you to some much more creative and playful conclusions. Rather than the same old gym workout, it might lead you playing sport with a friend, or time to finally finish the book you started some time ago.
Once you have found your thread, remember that it is thin and winding. Where it leads today, is not necessarily where it will lead tomorrow, and so a regular check in practice is essential.
and so with skill and practice we can begin to discover that our drive for discipline isn't always necessary. We can still lead a day filled with drive and grit and determination just by being open and curious, and from this space we can also make room for joy, creativity and self-care.
Being undisciplined in a balanced way requires skill and practice, but it is something that is available to all of us if we are willing to slow down and become curious.
